Danger from above


The whitewashed walls reflected the sun’s glare. Alice adjusted her sunglasses.

Small stones skittered and bounced down a wall then, with a wail, a boy landed at her feet. He was small, dirty and frightened; Alice saw blood running down his left leg. She took off her rucksack, pulling out a bottle of water and some tissue.  She bathed his leg while he stared defiantly up at her. A battered car screeched to a halt, Alice stared in disbelief as the driver pulled out a gun. She screamed as a shot rang out. Pocketing his gun the boy hobbled away.

 

Thanks to Jan Morrill for the photograph and to Madison Woods for “Friday Fictioneers”. http://www.madison-woods.com/Wordpress/index-of-stories/101212-2/

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Danger from above

  1. I enjoyed your writing, just a bit confused at the ending. Was the boy shot, then hobbled away? Or did the driver miss? Either way, why would this eye witness be left alone? I like the bit of the boy’s character we’re able to see. “… while he stared defiantly up at her.”

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    • The shot came from the boy, he let Alice live as she had helped him, well that’s the way my brain was working, could perhaps have made things a little clearer. Thanks for you comment, always useful

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  2. oh! was not ready for that. great job. one thing thought – this sentence: She took off her rucksack, pulling out a bottle of water and some tissue. you’ve got a mix of tenses. “she took…” past tense. “pulling out a bottle…” participle. sometimes they can mix, but not like this. consider instead-

    “she took off her rucksack and removed a bottle of water and some tissue.”

    adjust as needed for word count of 100.

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    • Not sure about “she took off her rucksack and removed a bottle of water and some tissue.” but get your point all the same.
      Think it should have read “she took off her rucksack, pulled out a bottle of water and some tissue and bathed his leg while he stared defiantly up at her.”

      As usual, thanks for visiting, always appreciated

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  3. Dear Dee,

    i loved the mystery of the boy and that focused nature he needed in order to survive. Sparing the girl, killing his pursuers. I think af a n older sould trapped in a younger body. Very nice work,

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

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